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The news articles and features presented below are simply an indication of how topical, controversial, and all-encompassing the issues surrounding marriage are throughout our society—and the world—today. Some of the views and opinions expressed, and their respective web sites, do NOT reflect the views or opinions of The Real Proposal™ magazine. Many are highlighted largely to reiterate that the alarming statistical trends on the chaotic state of "Marriage" and "Family"—outlined in"A Mere Glimpse"—will continue unabated without a fundamental grasp and purposeful dissemination of TRUTH on the issues.
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- Heidi Klum and Seal: We Are Separating People magazine, By Joey Bartolomeo, January 22, 2012
Heidi Klum and Seal confirm that they are splitting after almost seven years of marriage. In an exclusive statement to PEOPLE, the Project Runway host and the singer say: "While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate. "We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart. This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition. "We thank our family, friends, and fans for their kind words of support. And for our children's sake, we appreciate you respecting our privacy." The couple are parents to Leni, 7, Henry, 6, Johan, 5, and Lou, 2. . . .
RELATED ARTICLE: The Top Ten Myths of Divorce (PDF) From the National Marriage Project’s Ten Things to Know Series, By David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, April 2001
1 Half of all marriages end in divorce.
That may have been the case several decades ago, but the divorce rate has been dropping since the early 1980s. If today’s divorce rate continues unchanged into the future, the chances that a marriage contracted this year will end in divorce before one partner dies has been estimated to be between 40 and 45 percent.1
2 Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages.
Although many people who divorce have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages.
3 Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing.
Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually divorcing. The reasons for this are not well understood. In part, the type of people who are willing to cohabit may also be those who are more willing to divorce. There is some evidence that the act of cohabitation itself generates attitudes in people that are more conducive to divorce, for example the attitude that relationships are temporary and easily can be ended.
4 Divorce may cause problems for many of the children who are affected by it, but by and large these problems are not long lasting and the children recover relatively quickly. . . .
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RELATED ARTICLE: Marriage Was Not Designed To Make You Happy BMWK, February 18, 2011
I posted the following as my status on Facebook yesterday: Marriage was
not designed to make you happy, satisfied, or whole. If you go into it
for any of the aforementioned reasons, you’re in for a rude awakening.
Some of my friends asked me to expound, so I guess I’ll take a stab at
it here. First let me preface this post by saying that I in no way claim
to be an expert on marriage. My husband and I have been married a
little under four years and we’re still learning a lot of things about
being married. If you want expert advice, talk to someone who’s been at
this for decades (and let me listen in). I can only share what I’ve
learned so far. Further, I assure you that, despite the tone of this
post, I really love being married. However, I don’t want people to be
delusional about what marriage is or is not. So let me share with you
what marriage cannot do. Marriage cannot make you happy. I think it’s
safe to say that many people who want to be married think that marriage
will make them happy, but I maintain that’s just not true. We’ve all
grown up with the fairy tales where the princess finds a prince, gets
married, and lives “happily ever after.” Simply put, nothing can “make”
you happy. Absolutely nothing. Happiness is a personal choice and is not
contingent upon one’s circumstances. There are plenty of happy poor
folks and miserable millionaires. If you aren’t happy before marriage,
chances are you won’t be happy in it. And unfortunately, a lot of people
get dejected when they enter a marriage and realize they’re not as
happy as they thought they’d be. Learn to be happy independent of
outside influences. . . . . .Marriage does not equal satisfaction. . . .
Marriage cannot make you whole. . . . So, why get married in the first
place? Well, only you can answer that. But I can tell you one
indispensible prerequisite for a successful marriage: be prepared to
work. Marriage is beautiful, blessed, and sacred, but it’s not for
punks. . .
RELATED ARTICLE: What Marriage WAS Designed For… BMWK, September 15, 2011
After I wrote the piece, “Marriage Was Not Designed to Make You Happy,” I had a few people ask me, “Well, if my marriage isn’t supposed to make me happy, what is it supposed to do?” Admittedly, I sure did give a lot of suggestions for what you shouldn’t expect from your marriage, so it’s only fair that I outline some things that you can expect. You can expect your marriage to: Grow You Up – Yeah, I thought I was so mature before I got married. I thought I had this whole adulthood thing figured out. It took my marriage to teach me just how childish I could still be. . . Teach You More About Yourself Than Ever Before – It sounds antithetical to conventional logic. How in the world can you learn more about yourself by being with someone than you could by being alone?. . . Teach You How to Love Actively, Not Just Passively – Many wise people have said that love is a verb. They weren’t lying. . . . Make You More Like God – Speaking of loving despite circumstances, who has more experience at that than the Almighty?. . .
RELATED ARTICLE: The Top Ten Myths of Marriage (PDF) From the National Marriage Project’s Ten Things to Know Series, By David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, April 2001
1. Marriage benefits men much more than women.
Contrary to earlier and widely publicized reports, recent research finds men and women to benefit about equally from marriage, although in different ways. Both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when they are married. Husbands typically gain greater health benefits while wives gain greater financial advantages.
2. Having children typically brings a married couple closer together and increases marital happiness.
Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father farther apart, and bringing stress to the marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.
3. The keys to long-term marital success are good luck and romantic love.
Rather than luck and love, the most common reasons couples give for their long-term marital success are commitment and companionship. They define their marriage as a creation that has taken hard work, dedication and commitment (to each other and to the institution of marriage). The happiest couples are friends who share lives and are compatible in interests and values. . .
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- Mariah Carey Reveals Nick Cannon Has Kidney Failure Huffington Post, January 14, 2012
In what she's calling a reversal of roles since she was hospitalized for her now epic pregnancy with "Dem Babies" last year, Mariah Carey tweeted the news that her husband Nick Cannon is suffering from "mild kidney failure," asking for prayers as he recovers in an Aspen, Colorado hospital. In a message on her official website, the singer wrote: This is us in the hospital - role reversal; Last year it was me attached to the machines (after having dembabies) and Nick was there with me through it, and now here we are. We're trying to be as festive as possible under the circumstances but please keep Nick in your thoughts because this is very painful. They tried to kick me out of the hospital but here I am pon de bed with Mr. C.
We're doing OK but we're "straaaaaanded in Aspen". #DramaticDivaPlace (I know, we could be in a lot worse places) but the truth is as long as we're together, we're OK. I'm not trying to make light out of the situation because it's a serious moment that's very tough on all of us so please keep us and our family in your prayers. LYM. . .
RELATED ARTICLE: Nick Cannon Comes Clean on Kidney Disease ABC News, By Sheila Marika, January 17, 2012
Nick Cannon’s come clean on what really happened when he was hospitalized earlier this month with “mild kidney failure,” as his wife Mariah Carey put it. “They thought it was kidney stones … then a kidney infection,” Cannon said on his New York-based 92.3 NOW radio show. “They found out my kidneys weren’t functioning well.” He added, “We didn’t want to say ‘kidney failure’ so people would think I gotta get new kidneys and Gary Coleman and all that stuff, so we said ‘mild kidney failure.’ ” Now he’s drinking a lot of water and has a “couple more procedures” to go through. “Overall, I’m good,” he said. “I’m feeling 100 percent.” Cannon was chatting with his soon-to-be “America’s Got Talent” cohort Howard Stern, who also broadcasted the conversation to his SiriusXM listeners. Stern made Cannon get candid about his pop star wife. “Especially though this entire process, we’ve become so much closer,” he said. “I even got a chance to see a different side of my wife where she became so nurturing. I’m in debt to her forever.”. . .
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RELATED RESOURCE: In Sickness and In Health: A Place for Couples Dealing with Illness
To find resources and advice, hear stories, and discover support. Whether the illness is chronic or acute, the result of disease or accident, couples can learn strategies for coping with the changes illness brings into our relationships and our worlds. The information provided in this blog is for educational and support purposes only. It should not be used as a substitute for seeking professional care.
RELATED ARTICLE: In Sickness and in Health — Does a Cancer Diagnosis Up Divorce Risk? ABC News, By Courtney Hutchison,
An MSNBC blog post stirred discussion this week concerning the impact a cancer diagnosis has on relationships and marriages — is the disease the kiss of death? Does a cancer diagnosis in a woman make her partner more likely to leave? A 2009 study from the University of Utah Medical School suggested as much: among five hundred patients with brain cancer, multiple sclerosis, or a handful of other cancers, marriages were seven times more likely to break up if it was the woman who got sick. Overall, this study and others have not found that couples with a cancer patient are more likely to split up than non-cancer couples, but the gender disparity noted was alarming, Dr. Marc Chamberlain, chief of neuro-oncology at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and co-author of the study told ABCnews.com. “If the diseased partner was female, then there was a much higher rate of abandonment. It’s a striking observation that’s somewhat appalling for the male gender,” said Chamberlain. . .
RELATED ARTICLE: Cancer kiss-off: Getting dumped after diagnosis: Women more likely than men to be divorced after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis MSNBC.com, By Diane Mapes, October 04, 2011
Getting diagnosed with breast cancer is bad enough. But getting dumped by the guy you're seeing right afterwards is sort of like finding a piece of spoiled lettuce on your crap sandwich. Granted, the guy I was dating wasn't exactly husband — or even steady boyfriend — material; it was far too early in the game for that. But there was something there. Until things started getting "heavy." Then, not only was the "something" gone, so was he. Unfortunately, I'm not alone when it comes to the cancer kiss-off. When Cindy Wine was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago, she came home from her first radiation treatment to an empty house. . .
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- The Importance Of Having A Male Influence In The Life Of A Child (VIDEO) Roland Martin Reports, January 02, 2012
Roland Martin and Washington Watch travel to The Potter’s House to discuss the fatherhood crisis in the African-American community. In this segment of Washington Watch, Roland is joined by Pastor Frank Stewart who is the author of, Father Deficiency: The Most needed Vitamin in America. Marcus Taylor’s father was a powerful presence in his life, but he saw what the lack of a father did to his friends in the neighborhood. And Jabari Moore, who wants to be an even better father than the one that raised him, for his month-old daughter. . . (Watch the full Video Podcast)
RELATED ARTICLE: Bill Cosby: African-Americans 'Not Holding Up Their End of the Deal' ABCNews.com, June 29, 2005
-- It came as a shock to many last year when Bill Cosby, one of America's top TV dads and comedians, strongly criticized low-income African-Americans, and then took that message on the road. . . . .He has lambasted "lower-economic people," parents who spend more on athletic shoes than education, and children who use poor English and curse constantly. He has said blacks need to stop blaming whites and take control of their children and their communities. . . . . Martin asked Cosby if his own failures of judgment disqualify him from speaking about others. "No," Cosby said flatly. "I couldn't care less what you think of me as long as you begin to execute that which will save your children.". .
RELATED ARTICLE: As Young Black Girls Continue to be Preyed Upon, Where Are Their Fathers? Cocoa Lounge, By Gregory Kane, June 29, 2005
The
fool standing in a Baltimore Circuit Court last month had the nerve to
cry before he was sentenced. Dwayne Cedric Raysor, 31 years old, was
convicted of statutory rape and sentenced to prison for having
“consensual” sex with a 12-year-old girl. Raysor had tears in his eyes
when he told the judge he didn’t know that was illegal. Last week
readers learned of the deaths of three half-brothers: Michael “Mousey”
Dowdy, Kim Nichols and Kevin “KK” Dozier. All were sons of Anne Dozier
and all were shot dead in Baltimore before their 20th birthdays. I
suggested then that these three young men died because their fathers
didn’t step up and remove them from a very bad situation. The deaths of
Mousey, Kim and KK show why young black men need their dads. Young black
women need their dads too. Some of them need their daddies to protect
them from guys like Raysor. A source in the Baltimore state’s attorney’s
office told me that Raysor and his 12-year-old victim are both black. I
wish I could say cases like Raysor and the girl are the exception in
Baltimore. But they aren’t. Baltimore’s health commissioner cited
statistics which show that from 1995 to 1999, nearly 30 percent of girls
who were 14 or under when they got pregnant had sex with men at least
five years older. Syndicated columnist Rich Lowry noted a California
study which indicated that the fathers of the babies junior high school
girls have are, on average, seven years older than the mothers. Lowry
said some estimates of the number of adult fathers of babies of teen
moms run as high as 60 percent. That source in the Baltimore state’s
attorney’s office didn’t tell me if the 12-year-old girl Raysor robbed
of her childhood came from a home with no daddy. I suspect she didn’t.
Or that she came from a home with a daddy who wasn’t worth a tinker’s
dam. . .
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RELATED ARTICLE: Why Our Black Families Are Failing Washington Post, By William Raspberry, July 25, 2005
"There
is a crisis of unprecedented magnitude in the black community, one that
goes to the very heart of its survival. The black family is failing."
Quibble if you will about the "unprecedented magnitude" -- slavery
wasn't exactly a high point of African American well-being. But there's
no quarreling with the essence of the alarm sounded here last week by a
gathering of Pentecostal clergy and the Seymour Institute for Advanced
Christian Studies. What is happening to the black family in America is
the sociological equivalent of global warming: easier to document than
to reverse, inconsistent in its near-term effect -- and disastrous in
the long run. Father absence is the bane of the black community,
predisposing its children (boys especially, but increasingly girls as
well) to school failure, criminal behavior and economic hardship, and to
an intergenerational repetition of the grim cycle. The culprit, the
ministers (led by the Rev. Eugene Rivers III of Boston, president of the
Seymour Institute) agreed, is the decline of marriage. Kenneth B.
Johnson, a Seymour senior fellow who has worked in youth programs, says
he often sees teenagers "who've never seen a wedding." The concern is
not new. As Rivers noted at last week's National Press Club news
conference, the late Daniel Patrick Moynihan sounded the alarm 40 years
ago, only to be "condemned and pilloried as misinformed, malevolent and
even racist." What is new is the understanding of how deep and wide is
the reach of declining marriage -- and the still-forming determination
to do something about it. . .
RELATED ARTICLE: Dad, we need you Townhall.com, By Rebecca Hagelin, June 17, 2005
It's
a simple message, but one rarely heard in today’s culture. The sad
reality is that we live in a society where the message to fathers is,
'You’re irrelevant. You’re useless. You are a loser.' Just flip on the
television: commercials and sitcoms portray fathers as wimpy and
ignorant. Men are depicted as lazy, uninvolved, unwanted, and/or
impotent. Dads, I’ve got news. Your family needs you. Society needs
you. Your sons and daughters need you. Good dads have been the
backbone of strong families, the secret behind happy children, and the
zing in the step of satisfied wives throughout history. So dear dads,
this Father's Day, I honor all of you who have rejected the messages of a
crazy culture that seeks to devalue you. . .
RELATED ARTICLE: Father Is the Best Townhall.com, By Rich Lowry, June 17, 2005
Dad
is countercultural. If he is responsible, loving, and married, he might
seem boring and a constant provocation to his eye-rolling teenage
children, but he stands at the ramparts of a movement to save the
country from the most destructive trend of the past 30 years: father
absence. . . . . . The proportion of out-of-wedlock births rose 600
percent from 1960 to 2000, and the divorce rate more than doubled
between 1965 and 1980. Roughly 24 million children now live in homes
where the biological father is absent — about one out of every three
children. This is a social disaster. Children need their fathers, and
they need them in the home, which, as a practical matter, means their
fathers have to be married to their mothers. . .
RELATED ARTICLE: Fatherless in America The Patriot Post- By Mark Alexander, June 17, 2005
Many
families will celebrate Father's Day this Sunday, but the tragic
reality is that some 24-million children live absent or apart from their
biological fathers. One in three children -- and only one in five
inner-city children -- are in homes with their fathers. Of course, any
assertion that fathers are critical to the well-being of children will
undoubtedly offend the PC NOW crowd -- you know, those enlightened
liberals who have, for the past four decades, insisted that mothers can
do it all. Indeed, they've dismissed men as little more than a nuisance
-- one necessary for procreation but detrimental to proper parenting. . .
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RELATED ARTICLE: Mom, I'm Pregnant: Lessons From My Teenage Daughter's Pregnancy Family Life Today, By Leslie Barner
When
the truth came out in the pediatrician's office, her words pierced my
heart like fiery arrows. "Pregnant?" I thought, blinking back sudden
tears. My heart pounded furiously, and my head was reeling with her
announcement. I couldn't even hear the words that followed. So many
anxious thoughts entered my mind that I struggled to grasp hold of any
of them. Finally, in desperation, I reached out and grabbed denial. I
thought, No! This can't be true. There must be some terrible mistake!
But it didn't take long for denial to slip away and reality to set in,
followed by feelings of sadness, disappointment, fear, anger, and
ultimately feelings of failure. I was devastated. As I drove our teenage
daughter, Desirée, home in silence that afternoon, I felt like all of
the dreams we had for her life had been left behind in that examination
room—shattered like broken glass. In only a moment, everything had
changed. Struggling to make it home in one piece, I tearfully considered
what the pregnancy would mean to her life … to our family … and to my
ministry as a writer for a prominent Christian organization. Will she
have to drop out of high school in her senior year? What will happen to
being captain of the dance team? Her part-time job? What about college?
How will we break the news to family and friends? How will this affect
her three younger sisters? What will people think? What will they say?
These and other questions clouded my mind and burdened my broken heart.
It took all the strength I could muster to tell my husband, Aubrey, what
I had just learned. When I managed to get the words out, he stared
blankly in disbelief, not wanting to accept it. Then, as the truth began
to sink in, I could see that he too was devastated, as were her younger
siblings. Later that evening, we received a brief letter from Desirée
that expressed her sorrow for disappointing us and shared how much she
regretted disobeying God and us. She told us that she'd already asked
God to forgive her and asked us to do the same. She ended the letter by
letting us know how much she needed our love and support for all that
she knew she'd have to face as a pregnant teenager. We could tell from
the letter that she was ashamed, confused, and afraid. Our hearts went
out to her. Together, and privately, we shed thousands of tears and
prayed countless prayers. And though we assured her of our love,
forgiveness, and support, we were hurting. Our entire family was shaken,
and life for us would never be the same again. I wondered if she
realized that the choices she'd made would affect everyone who loved
her? "This is not the end of the world". . .
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RELATED ARTICLE: Adolescence—Are You Ready for the Tough Questions? Family Life Today, By Dennis Rainey
When
my son Benjamin was 12 years old, he was standing in the kitchen,
nibbling on some barbecue potato chips. Although we had been together
recently, we hadn't really had any substantive, meaningful conversations
in a week or so. So I'm certain I stunned him with a question I asked
for no other reason than just keeping in touch with a son going through
puberty. I asked, "You been keeping your mind clean at school, son?" I
paused for emphasis, not that the question needed any help. Then I
added, "You know, pornography—the kind of sleazy stuff curious boys pass
around and look at?" I don't know who was more surprised—Benjamin, at
my point-blank-range question, or me with his response. He looked me
straight in the eye with a half-grin and said, "Funny you should ask.
Today at school a friend brought a Penthouse magazine into the locker
room. But I didn't look at it. I just turned and walked out." "Good for
you! Good for you!" I said twice to let my affirming words soak into
this growing boy's heart. The big grin that made its way across his face
told me he was proud he had done what was right. Asking the hard
questions. . . . Question: "What subject do you wish you could have
someone else ask your parents to discuss with you?" Answers: Petting.
Marriage. Sex. Relationships. Biology. College. Dating relationships.
Big responsibilities. Grades. Money. Dating. Marijuana. Drugs. Using the
car. Curfew. Allowance. God. Drinking. Guys. Friends. Bathing suits.
Peer pressure. Making my own decisions. Love. Beliefs of my own. Sex.
Me. Sex. My faults. Failures in my Christian walk—how to overcome these.
Friends and boyfriend problems. Friends. Stereos. Girls. Money.
College. Their divorce. . . . . As frank as those responses were, they
didn't capture my attention like the following list of answers to
question number two: "What three questions would you like to ask your
parents if someone else could ask them for you?". . .
RELATED ARTICLE: Q & A: What is the answer to curbing teenage sexual activity? Family.org
Q:
It seems clear that comprehensive sex-education programs have failed
miserably in addressing the problems of teen pregnancy and sexually
transmitted diseases, all of which have dramatically increased over the
past twenty years. So what is the answer to curbing teenage sexual
activity?
A: One significant study, authored by Stephen Small
from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Tom Luster of Michigan
State and published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family,
demonstrated rather conclusively that parental involvement and the
transmitting of the parents' values were significant factors in
preventing early sexual activity. In a direct and refreshingly sensible
way, Small and Luster put parents back in the driver's seat (or the hot
seat) when they said, "Permissive parental values regarding adolescent
sexual behavior emerged as a strong risk factor for both males and
females. Not surprisingly, adolescents who perceived their parents as
accepting of premarital adolescent sexual activity were more likely to
be sexually experienced."59 The acorn never falls far from the tree.
Another important study, conducted by Drs. Sharon White and Richard
DeBlassie (published in Adolescence), found that parents who set the
most moderate and reasonable rules for their teens in the areas of
dating and interaction with the opposite sex actually got the best
results — in contrast to those who were overly strict (who experienced a
lesser degree of success) and those who provided no guidelines
whatsoever (whose position was least efficacious of all).60 From these
studies and others, we can conclude that the people who are most
effective in steering their children away from the precipice of
premarital sex are those who understand that parenting adolescents is a
delicate art. . . |
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RELATED ARTICLE: What Your Teens Need to Know about Sex Family.org, By Linda Klepacki, R.N., M.P.H.
Talking
to our teens about sexuality is one of the most life-affirming tasks
parents face in our sex-saturated society. Throughout their formative
years, teens need to hear from their parents the truth about sex, rather
than just the daily bombardment of media sex scandals. In Sexuality,
Contraception, and the Media, the American Academy of Pediatrics
reported that American children devote more than 38 hours per week to
various forms of media, such as television, videos, video games, music,
and the Internet. By the time the average teen graduates from high
school he will have squandered 15,000 hours watching television—that’s
twenty percent more time than the 12,000 hours he will have spent in the
classroom. Furthermore, the average American adolescent will view
nearly 14,000 sexual references per year. How much time, then, should we
devote to countering those unwholesome media messages?. . .
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